Ha. And it’s Thursday.
Could this become a habit? Would it be so bad? Maybe if I reserved a day for whining here, you know, somehow worked it into my schedule on Wednesdays there won’t be any whining for an entire week.
Today’s whiny business: Fall fashion 2012. I’d like to know who is responsible for resurrecting that gawdawful dayglo/neon crap that had already died a slow death in the late 1980’s. (Nevermind, knowing might land me in a heap of trouble.) I had only caught a glimpse of it online so far, which kept my horror and disbelief at bay… until now. Seeing a picture of something so dastardly is one thing, but standing just inches away from such an abomination is another thing entirely. Why they couldn’t have allowed it to rest peacefully is one of today’s great mysteries.
I don’t like the mall. It makes me sweat and break out in a rash, and then my hair gets all fuzzy and weird and the pretty perfect people look at me like I just emerged from the creek out back and randomly wandered into Macy’s. All I wanted was a purple crewneck t-shirt that was neither too dark nor too light, preferably heathered… and instead of a purple t-shirt, I got an eyeful of neon orange and a rancid electric yellow very similar in color to a weird slime mold I found on my husband’s bathroom floor when we first started dating. They might call it “tangerine” or “dill flower” to pretty it up. They could have fooled us better by painting a dog turd orange, spraying it with some of Lady GaGa’s new fragrance and sticking a tiara on it.
The juiciest tidbit was a shapeless, blousy blob of a v-neck top in a nondescript grey color, and the sleeves (if you could really call them sleeves) were trimmed with that slimy fluorescent yellow. My jaw could have hit the floor. It was as if neon yellow had been unceremoniously exhumed after being in the ground for over 20 years, its pathetic mummified carcass slap-dashedly spray painted with neon yellow Krylon to obscure the decades of putrification, and then hurriedly presented for sale in a mid-priced retail setting.
Does this analogy offend you? I’ll bet you’re not half as offended as I am, as someone who doesn’t appreciate that frumpy clothes made from unattractive fabrics in unflattering colors are being offered to women as “fashion” right now. Most people I know couldn’t afford Bergdorf Goodman, and if I didn’t care at all about quality, I’d shop at Walmart. Walmart has been selling the aforementioned unflattering cheap crap since its dawn… and then I walk into The Gap and the entire ladies half of the store was full of it at three times the price. Likely better made, but still. Does it matter? Who is going to be wearing this codswallop after this trend is dead again? I’d venture a guess that the fashion victims are counting down the hours until the winter 2012/2013 color report. These so-called designers have taken far too many liberties with “bright chartreuse” and “tangerine tango”.
I feel more insulted every time I go shopping for clothes, like I’m being jammed into a mold. I have to force myself to go at this point, and it’s so awful that I can barely wait to get out of there. I can’t even find decent essentials any more, and if I do find something I like, it’s too small or too big because everyone else who wears my size (and I’m guessing that’s most of America) got there before I did. Or maybe they purposefully have a limited supply of regular women’s sizes, in an attempt to slowly drive us all mad.
I don’t know what’s going on. I do know that I will not wear kelly green and neon orange striped sweaters, nor will I be caught dead in neon pink jeggings. Heavens to Murgatroid. JEGGINGS. The availability of these items isn’t what bothers me – some people can and do pull these things off – but I’m not one of them and I know I’m not the only one and I feel every woman deserves to have access to wearable colors. (Did I not satisfactorily prepare you for some serious whining?) Sometimes I think I should have been born a man, but I’m far too heterosexual and averse to crawling around under the house to undergo that operation. I’ll just settle for shopping in the men’s section. However, I draw the line at wearing men’s underwear.
But I do have a sewing machine now…
Neon Freaks, z-beads, June 2006
Then I realized something. I shouldn’t be complaining about this at all because I make beads in colors quite similar to the ones that are puking me out. But glass is different. Right? It’s glossy, layery, it’s just different than fabric in the same colors. The same colors in glass have more character and movement, and are on a much smaller scale. Would you really want to wrap yourself in colors found in some of my beads when just a hint of these colors would be much more preferable?
End Whine. Thanks. Feel free to add yours there in the comments section.
SO, hey. I’ve got some stuff on the burners for Etsy tonight. I’m going to mom’s for dinner, but I’ll get on the descriptions and stuff when I return. I wanted to have something besides blue and green, but I ran out of canned air before I could finish the other colors I was working on.
Talk to you later tonight… thanks for reading!
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